How to Conquer Doubt And Build Confidence as a Freelance Writer When You Feel Like a Fraud

I sat there staring at the phone for what felt like an eternity.

All it would take was the push of a few buttons and I’d be speaking to an editor who would … I hoped … say yes to an idea I had for a magazine article (this was in the days before email).

But there were two problems.

The first problem was that I hated making phone calls with a passion (and still do).  Not being able to see someone’s face when I’m speaking with them makes me feel like I’m at a huge disadvantage.  Like I’m missing half the conversation because I can’t read their body language.

The second (and more serious problem) was that I was just getting started with my freelance writing career.  And I felt like a fraud.  I knew next to nothing about being a writer or how the publishing industry worked, or what editors wanted, or  … anything really.

There are times in the life of a freelance writer (and any small business owner) where the confidence to do things or take that next step just isn’t there.

That lack of confidence can show up in imposter syndrome generated thoughts, lack of confidence in your skills, or worrying that you don’t have enough experience to take on certain projects.  Which can mean that the things you want to do or should do to keep moving forward don’t get done.  So you end up going backwards.

It doesn’t have to be that way though.

There are a few simple things you can do to help build your sense of confidence enough so you can do that thing, whatever that thing is, that you were scared to do before.  I have tried them all and they work for me.  So I want to share a few of them with you

Reframe Your Approach

Back in the dark ages before there was an internet or email, you pretty much had three options to get in touch with someone; phone, face-to-face and letters.  You know, the old fashioned kind that require a stamp and a walk to the post office. I opted in for talking to the editor face to face, rather than phoning. And I got the gig.

These days, there are far more ways of getting in touch.  So if you don’t like picking up the phone, or it’s not the best way to get your idea out into the world, try another one.

Typically, you’ll be told by the person you are pitching your idea to how to get in touch.  And it’s usually via email or through an online submission portal.  But you could also use more of a networking approach.

I once was able to get someone on my Online Business Launchpad podcast as a guest by reaching out on LinkedIn to another of my guests and asking them to introduce us.  You can do the same when you’re in the process of building long term relationships with editors and other writers. 

Power Moves: Using Your Body to Influence Your Confidence

My mother used to tell me that how I dressed influenced the way I behaved.  That used to really, really annoy me, but the older I got, the more I realized she was right.  So these days, when I really need to feel confident … either for a meeting or when I’m putting a proposal together, I always try to dress in clothes that I not only feel comfortable in, but that make me feel great about myself.

And there’s another old saying that goes, “You are what you repeatedly do.” But did you know that your body language—how you stand, sit, and breathe—can also affect how confident you feel?

Some studies show that adopting certain postures, known as "power poses," can make you feel more powerful and confident, even if you don’t feel that way initially. 

How?

Well, it seems that these poses trigger a psychological shift by reducing stress hormones like cortisol and increasing testosterone levels, the hormone linked to dominance and confidence.  

This TED talk and the blog post that goes with it gives more detail (and the pros and cons) of the research around using body postures to shape or adjust how we feel.  

Power Moves You Can Try:

• The Wonder Woman Pose: Stand tall with your feet shoulder-width apart, hands on your hips, chest up, and chin slightly raised. Hold this pose for two minutes. I’ve personally used this position many times in the past and it’s always worked for me.  

This “power pose” position works because it projects authority and assertiveness. And I have a sneaking suspicion that it would work even better if you’re looking at yourself in the mirror while standing like your own Wonder Woman.

• Expanding Your Posture: Anytime you're about to do something nerve-wracking (like pitching a client or sending that query), try standing or sitting with an open posture. Which means spread out your arms or stand tall to physically take up more space.  

This particular pose worked well for me back in the day when I would speak at conferences.  Just before going on stage, I’d stand tall, take a few really deep breaths and then walk out in front of everyone.

Why does it work?  Studies suggest that people who adopt open, expansive postures feel more in control of their environment.  I don’t know about feeling more in control, but it did stop my knees from shaking.

• Shoulders Back, Chest Up: Most of us slump sometimes.  Maybe we’re tired or feeling a bit down.  But slumping over can have a very negative impact on confidence.  It’s like your body language is yelling “I’m insecure” louder than a freight train.  Not just to other people, but also to your own brain. 

You can counter a slump and its negative vibes by pulling your shoulders back, lifting your chest, and aligning your spine.  This pose can definitely make you feel more self-assured. It not only impacts how others perceive you but also how you perceive yourself.

I probably use this technique more than any of the others on any given ordinary day.  And I find that not only is it good for my confidence, it’s also good use of my muscles because using my muscles helps my brain produce endorphins and endorphins make me feel good and ….  I think you get the point. 

Breathing Techniques for Confidence:

While posture helps you feel and look more powerful, deep breathing calms your nerves and brings clarity to your thoughts. I’ve only recently discovered the power of breathing techniques to calm anxious thoughts and increase confidence.

Here are a few techniques I’ve tried that have helped me and can help you:

• Box Breathing: Also known as four-square breathing, this method involves inhaling for four counts, holding for four counts, exhaling for four counts, and holding again for four counts. The number of counts you use can vary, depending on what you feel comfortable with (and how long you can hold your breath before starting to feel panicky).  

The Navy SEALs use this method for stress management in high-pressure situations and if you are interested in digging a bit deeper on this topic, this Forbes article provides more detail.

This simple but very effective technique has helped me calm down quite a few times which means I can then focus more confidently on what I’m trying to achieve.  I highly recommend that you try it.

• Diaphragmatic Breathing: When we’re nervous, we tend to breathe shallowly from our chest. Diaphragmatic breathing involves drawing deep breaths into your belly, which activates your parasympathetic nervous system—the system that calms your "fight or flight" response. Try breathing in for a count of five, hold for a second, and exhale slowly. This will help calm your nerves and allow you to focus on the task at hand.

If you’re a musician or singer, you may find that diaphragmatic breathing is something that you already do.  It’s simply a matter of consciously using this technique in situations where you need to feel more confident and less anxious or stressed.

• Mindful Breathing: Mindful breathing is exactly what it sounds like … paying attention to what’s happening in your body while you’re taking long, slow, deep breaths.  I’ve discovered that it only takes a few moments of this type of focused breathing to shift my mind from panic mode to calm focus. 

However, I’ve also discovered that there’s a catch.  When I’m stressed, my brain tends to flap around like a flag in a whirlwind.  So paying attention to what’s happening in my body long enough to get the calming effect, can sometimes be problematic.  It’s something I’m working on, though, and when I do manage to get it right, the effect is brilliant.

The $10 million dollar takeaway here from all these exercises is that if you combine breathing techniques with your power pose, you’re definitely going to make it easier to feel confident in those moments when you’ve started to doubt yourself.

Together, these posture and breathing techniques can provide you with a quick confidence boost whenever you need it. They might feel awkward at first (they did for me), but over time, your body will associate these physical actions with increased self-assurance.

Stayed tuned for my next post, where I talk about practical things you can do to create long term confidence-building habits.